What Happened to Joy?

I've been thinking a lot about joy lately.  That feeling you get when something makes you smile or makes you laugh. Those moments when you think, "Oh, I love this."

Because sometimes life gets so busy and overwhelming that, without really noticing, we stop having much fun. And Winter doesn’t help either; life can become too serious, and we literally forget to enjoy things.

We're doing everything we're supposed to do, like getting the kids where they need to be. We're working. Meeting deadlines. Paying bills. Doing the washing. Organising appointments. Looking after other people. Dealing with the unexpected things that life throws at us.

And then we get to the end of the day and wonder: "When did I have fun today?"

Waiting for life to settle down

I wonder how often we make joy something we will do when life slows down. We say things like:

I'll enjoy myself when work settles down.

I'll have more time for myself when the kids are older.

I'll relax when the house is sorted.

I'll meet up with a friend when…

But when exactly is everything going to be sorted?

Joy doesn't mean everything is wonderful

I'm not suggesting we put on a smile and pretend everything is fine. Life can be hard.

It’s about finding those times that simply make you smile. For example, recently I found myself smiling in a waiting room and delighting in a 3-month-old baby. On another occasion smiling at two elderly people having a chat on a seat with a view. My favourite, though, is seeing a Kereru, a big fat colourful wood pigeon, eating berries in a tree, just on the street.

You can be frustrated with your children and love them enormously. You can have a difficult day at work and still notice a beautiful sunset on the way home.

Do we really have to carry it all?

There is something I've always loved about Dolly Parton's approach to life. She worked hard, got on with what she wanted, and her philosophy was to do what you can, and then you let life unfold as opposed to worrying about things you have no control over.

And I think many of us could use a little more of that. Because sometimes we're not just carrying what's happening today. We're carrying tomorrow's worries too. We're anticipating problems before they happen. We're doing our best to manage life but perhaps, in doing so, we're squeezing out some of the joy.

What if we could say:

I'll do the best I can, take some action, and I'll let go of the things that I can’t control.

When was the last time you did something just because it was fun?

Not because it was productive. Not because it was good for you. Not because someone else needed you to. Just because you enjoyed it.

When was the last time you danced around the kitchen?

Sang loudly in the car?

Laughed until your stomach hurt?

I think we can become very good at being responsible adults. And sometimes we forget that we're also allowed to play. We're allowed to be silly. We're allowed to do things that have no purpose other than making us smile. In fact, maybe that's not a waste of time at all. Maybe it's part of what makes life feel like life.

Start noticing joy

And perhaps we don't even need to go looking for some huge new source of joy. Perhaps we need to become better at noticing the joy that's already there.

The morning light coming through the window.

A song that makes you want to dance.

The smell of coffee.

Your child's laugh.

The feeling of clean sheets.

A beautiful view.

These moments can be tiny. But tiny doesn't mean insignificant.

Perhaps a joyful life is partly created by collecting these moments—and actually allowing ourselves to experience them.

So, how do we have joy when life is busy?

Maybe we don't need to find more time. Maybe we need to make room for joy within the life we already have.

We can ask ourselves:

What am I trying too hard to control?

And perhaps most importantly:

What can I do today that will make me smile or bring me joy?

It might be something tiny. A walk. Music. A coffee in the sunshine.

Five minutes dancing around the kitchen.

Or perhaps it's giving yourself permission to stop doing something that really doesn't need to be done right now.

Because joy doesn't always require us to add something.

Sometimes it comes from putting something down, like a worry or a belief that we have to keep everyone happy or get everything done before we can relax.

Your Joy Challenge

For the next seven days, I'd love you to try something:

NOTICE — Each day, notice one moment that brings you joy.

ALLOW — When it happens, pause. Don't rush past it. Let yourself actually experience it.

CHOOSE — Do one small thing each day purely because you enjoy it.

Because maybe we don't need a completely different life. Maybe we just need to let a little more joy into the life we already have.