Why Self-Care Matters: My Personal Journey
I wish to share my journey to self-care with you, of how I came to look after myself first. Don't get me wrong, it's still a challenge mainly because of childhood and societal conditioning, so let's start there.
Breaking Generational Patterns Around Self-Care
I was raised in a traditional farming family with parents who worked very hard. My father Milking and toiled on the farm till dark, and my mother also milked, brought up three children, cooked, baked, and looked after farm workers. Both of them still managed to be on committees and help in the community.
I think their subconscious beliefs, along with society at that time,were something like this:
A) You had to work hard to get anywhere; that rest occurred when you died! (As a family, Sunday afternoons were often a rest time, but I can't remember any other rest days.)
B) If there were jobs to do, you got on and did them.
C) Others came first. Taking care of others, whether it was someone sick, taking baking to a family, or helping out, there wasn't such a thing as 'me' time.
Growing up with these generational patterns, self-care wasn’t something we ever talked about. Like many women, I inherited the belief that rest was earned—not essential.
The Cost of Always Putting Others First
My parents worked hard, starting from scratch, to leave a legacy for their children, and they have absolutely done that. But at what expense? They are now 88 and 90, so was there really any impact?
I think there was less complexity in their generation; the pressures today are different, and I think the need for time out required more.
Just think about the bombardment of information through social media!
Burnout: The Wake-Up Call
How did I break the pattern? I burned out. Quite simply, that's what happened when I didn't take care of myself or put myself first.
I worked in corporate jobs, working hard and caring for others. Caring about what they wanted to do, caring for them to the detriment of what I might want or wanted to do with my time.
Also, I didn't really know what boundaries were.
Through help with Coaching, courses, and research, I slowly learned that trying to be Miss Perfect to others and being the people pleaser wasn't good for my health or who I was. So began the journey of discovering what I loved, what I cared about and what caring for myself meant. It meant discovering I was allowed to put other's wishes in second place, and I could say no if something didn't work for me.
This did take some years. It didn’t happen overnight. I learned to question myself so that I did things because I wanted to, not because I should!
Over time, I began asking myself different questions:
Am I doing this because I truly want to?
Or am I doing it just to be nice, to be seen as helpful, or to avoid guilt?
Am I caring for a neighbour because I am kind and thoughtful, or do I have a different agenda?
I am kind, but now I help others for the right reasons and don’t try to rescue them - well, most of the time!
Through all of this, I learnt that by caring for myself,
I had the energy to do what I enjoyed AND care for others.
Navigating Self-Care in Relationships
When your partner doesn’t “get” your need for rest (and how I handled it).
My husband, the engineer, has values similar to those of my parents. Jobs get done first, and holidays are secondary. I have had to stand up for my values of taking time out when I knew I needed to. And he understands that, mostly!
Self-Care Is More Than a Massage
As you can see, there is a lot to self-care. It's not just planning a nice bath or massage; it's also ensuring that we know the best way to regain energy for ourselves, knowing what boundaries are important to us, and being able to say no or yes - but not to the detriment of ourselves.
If You’re Wondering Where to Start With Your Self-Care
Start by asking:
What do I need today - and am I willing to give it to myself?
You don’t have to do it all at once. But you do have to start.
You’re worth that.
Ready to create a self-care routine that actually sticks?
If this story resonated with you, you’re not alone.
In Flourish, a 21-day guided experience - you’ll learn simple, sustainable self-care habits that support your energy, clarity, and confidence.
Inside Flourish, you’ll learn
How to stop putting yourself last
How to tune into what you really need (and give yourself permission to have it)
How to create space for rest, reflection, and joy - even in a busy life
Sign up for the next round of Flourish here.