You Know What You Want. So Why Haven't You Done It?
You've done a lot of thinking. Maybe you've worked through the Clarity Compass, or maybe you've been quietly (or busily) turning it over for months. You know you want more time for yourself. Or work that lights you up. Or a life that feels like yours again now the kids have left home.
And yet, here you are. Still thinking about it.
If that sounds familiar, please hear this first: there is nothing wrong with you. Knowing what you want is a big step. But for many women I work with, knowing isn't the hard part. Starting is.
Why clarity on its own isn't enough
The Next Chapter framework I work with has three parts: Clarity, Courage and Action. Clarity is working out what you want. Action is taking the steps to get there. And in between sits Courage, because the moment you know what you want, something usually shows up to stop you.
I don’t believe it’s laziness or a lack of time, even though that's what we tell ourselves. Most of the time, it's one of two things: fear, or the beliefs we've carried for years about what's possible for us.
The four things that usually get in the way
When I look at what stops the women I work with, it tends to show up in one of four ways.
Fear of getting it wrong. You want everything worked out before you begin. So you research, plan and wait until you feel ready. The trouble is, that ready feeling rarely arrives on its own.
Worrying what other people will think. You've spent years looking after everyone else. Now, wanting something for yourself can feel selfish, and you find yourself wondering how your family, friends or colleagues will react.
Not knowing where to start. The change feels so big that you can't see the first step. So you think about it, and think some more, and it starts to feel too much to begin.
Believing you can't. "I'm too old." "I'm not good enough." "I've left it too late." These beliefs feel true because you've heard them in your head for a long time. But a belief isn't a fact.
Most of us have a bit of all four. But usually one is louder than the others, and that's the one to start with.
What helps
Here's the good news. Once you can name what's in your way, you can start to work with it. These are a few things that make a real difference.
Ask what's in your control. Draw a line down a page. On one side, write what's in your control. On the other, what isn't. Other people's reactions go on the second list. Choose your next step from the first list only.
Fact-check your beliefs. Write down the thought that stops you most. Is it really true? Do you know anyone who's made a change at your age? Then reframe it into something that's both true and kinder. "I'm too old to start again" becomes "I bring years of experience to whatever comes next."
Make the first step smaller. Much smaller. So small it feels almost too easy. Send one email. Book one coffee. Spend twenty minutes on a Sunday writing down what you'd love your days to look like.
Act as if. Ask yourself: if I were already the woman who'd made this change, what would she do this week? Then do that one thing.
You don't need to feel brave first. Courage usually comes after the first step, not before it.
Find out what's stopping you
If you haven't worked out what you want yet, start with my free Clarity Compass workbook.
You don't have to have it all figured out. You just need to take one step in the direction of what you think you want.
Warmly,
Allison